out of order

the first time a boy ever kissed me

i was a junior in highschool

& it happened in my mom's car

the first time a boy ever took my clothes off

i was in fourth grade

& i’ve only told two people

the first time a boy ever held my hand

i was a freshman in college

& i told him to take it easy

the first time a boy ever took me on a date

i was a senior in highschool

& we listened to my typhoon cd

when i kiss boys my head always spins

& when i listen to lime tree i get nauseous

i know these things aren’t related, but maybe they are

i can't tell you why i'm typing this

or why i’m choosing to publish this

or if anyone will even read this

i can’t tell you why i did those things

or why he did those things

or why i told you about them on dryden’s trampoline

i can’t tell you why i like his blue sweater

or why i don’t write much anymore

or why my legs look like train tracks, because, well

i just don’t know