before sunday happened

11 march 2017; 9:35 p.m.

this is the happiest i've been in a long time. it's 35º outside, but the sun is shining, so that makes it ok

yesterday i wore a tank top, the black one jayada convinced me to buy when she told me any boy would want to kiss me in it

last night i took off my makeup & painted sunflowers & carnations & lilies & baby's breath & big, blooming hydrangeas on my flushed cheeks

i've always loved flowers, i keep a garden in my room ( i tell people it's because i have a green thumb, but really it's so i know i am needed, if i were to leave this earth, plants would grieve, gardens would die ) 

that's kinda pathetic, but it's worked

tomorrow i'm going to a concert ( the walters ) & i hope they play fancy shoes, i need them to play fancy shoes

i move home in less than two weeks & i'm excited. i hope i'll be better than the last time.

i'm not excited for summer because i'm not excited for swim suits or short shorts or for people to see my upper thigh

i still think scars are cool, but i'm not making them on myself anymore ( & i'm sorry i told you about it, i didn't want you to be sad )

instead, i'm painting flowers on my cheeks & wearing tank tops & buying concert tickets with the last few dollars i have in my checking account

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buy yourself some flowers, water them with your tears, kiss me in your mom's garden, & be happy, be happy we're here