today is monday, april 3 & i've been thinking

there's a family photograph my mother loves
it hangs above the fireplace
i think it was our christmas card one year

abby & kristin are giving their best smiles
& i am crying my eyes out
it is just the three of us

that was before meghan was born,
we took trips to the beach
& dad taught us all how to swim

dragging me by my teeny tiny ankles,
past the place where the water high fived the sand,
we'd hold hands & push through the current

to the places where my toes could no longer touch
mom laid on the sand, with lunch & magazines
& rubs sunscreen on our backs while we sleep under beach towels

meghan is here now,
but she doesn't know how to swim in the waves
we don't go on trips anymore

dad doesn't smile in the family photographs,
he works three jobs now instead of four,
& sleeps in the car only some nights

today is monday, april 3
it's my first day of being 19
my last year of being a teenager

every year on my birthday i scribble
"all eyes on the calendar,
another year i claim of total indifference"

but this year i left out the last line
because so much has changed
& so much is changing

everything is changing !
everything is changing !
everything is changing !